Thursday, May 12, 2005

Suggested Changes to the Science Curriculum for the Kansas School Board

As long as conservative Christians are using the government to legislate truth (through school boards for example) I thought I would stop whining and help their cause by suggesting some other curriculum changes.

1) Let’s give Astrology a break – Yes, equal time for astronomy and astrology. As long as the good people of Kansas will be testing their kids on the knowledge of Intelligent Design Theory let’s make sure they also know how a conjunction between Mars and Jupiter will affect their lives! And besides, astrology has far more documentation supporting it than ID theory and it's in the Bible!

2) Scientology deserves equal time with plain old psychology – John Travolta and Tom Cruise both think its cool! Yes, Dyanetics, L. Ron Hubbard’s badly written Sci Fi story made into quack psychology is at least as valid as ID and besides, they already have the text books! As long as we are going for indoctrination let’s go with a cult that really knows how to keep kids in line.

3) Ouija Boards all around – Have you noticed that most kids just don’t know how to really operate in the realm of the occult? Sure, you’ve got Ozzi Osborne and the other heavy metal groups but when it comes to the basics of divination what better compliment to a an ignorant, dogmatic and superstitious school board than a good old Ouija board?

4) Secret Government Conspiracy Studies – Come on, you’ve seen ‘em, right? Black helicopters, weather machines, IRS agents spying for the CIA who are in cahoots with Islamic militants who want to smuggle plutonium on behalf of Hillary Clinton who has been having a secret affair with George W. Bush who really isn’t George W. Bush because the REAL George W. Bush was kidnapped years ago and has had his brain removed and kept alive in a vat of special fluid only now the brain is growing and devouring everything in its path and that’s why the corn crop was so lousy this year northern Kansas. This should make a great essay question on next year’s exam!

Study hard kids, see you in Church!


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